on being a victim

"eto ang keyword PLAY... i don't want to be the VICTIM again.."~ texted by a friend

PLAY.. is that really the answer? I don't think so, cause I do believe in karma and boy it's amazing how it can just sneak up on you in the most unexpected of moments. And although I understand how tiring it is to be a victim, be it of a certain situation or of a certain person, (believe me, been there, done that), I don't think playing around will actually solve anything. Maybe for some it will make things easier, simpler, but for me, no. I just don't think I can stomach playing with other people's emotions, cause I've been there, I know just how bad it feels to get played with. I don't think I can also be in a meaningless relationship with someone who's just playing around, because things won't always stay as simple as you want them to be. Eventually things will change and evolve to (god forbid) something complicated that you end up digging a hole for yourself and you don't even notice until its too late (been there as well). I told my friend I'd rather be a victim of someone else than be a victim of my own foolish actions. But when I think about it, most of the time, we become victims of both without even fully realizing it. So, in the end when we put karma, stupidity and consequences into the picture, I think all of us fall prey to ourselves, we are our own VICTIMS, some are volunteers, while some are totally caught offguard. The fact is, there are no easy rules or certain paths to follow when it comes to relationships or emotions for that matter, sometimes we just have to make the best of the cards that we're dealt with and hope we survive...

damage management

I feel sick, in both the literal and abstract sense of the word.. and in line with the recent disturbing, frustrating and hilarious events as of late... here's something close to insightful to think about..

ditto..

here are a few lines from the comic book Johnny the Homicidal Maniac...

"Dear Die-ary,

There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person goes complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their 'discomfort' like a favorite shirt. I can't say I am very pleased with where I am right now but I can't help but look forward to where it's going.."

ditto, Jhonen.. ditto..

hollow

since when did words lose all their meaning
since when did they become senseless letters
thrown together to make a sound?

i don't remember
i can't remember

since when did time fade into slow motion
since when did seconds trickle into nothing
making everything suddenly slow down?

i don't remember
i can't remember

since when have i fallen into this forsaken ground?
since when have i become as empty and as hollow
as the words everybody seem to throw around?

i don't remember
i can't remember
i don't want to remember

a love song for no one

Mad Girl's Love Song
Sylvia Plath

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"