remembering

in the pale light of the moon
i sit in the darkest of corners,
lost in thought,
eyes gazing nowhere
as if in a trance,
a trance of lucid dreams
that were once memories of you

they are nothing now
but mere glimpses
of a past i once knew
a dream i get lost in
once in a while
when i am haunted by you

and for a brief moment
everything is beautiful
as if you were still mine
as if i was back in your arms
as if i was still loved by you...

to blog or not to blog

yes, that is the question.. i've come to the conclusion that it's hard to maintain a blog, to consciously write about something profound, insightful, or thought-provoking, especially when most of the time all i can seem to do is whine, and nobody really wants to hear a whiner. but don't get me wrong, i like my blog, it's just that sometimes i can't seem to think of something really good to write about. maybe i need a motivation or maybe an inspiration, or maybe i just need to haul my couch potato ass away from the tv and start typing away. i don't know. i guess i just can't really write that good if im not depressed enough, angry enough, or even suicidal enough. *sigh* i guess we, writers do have our quirks. so right now, since things aren't so bad and they aren't so great either, i guess this is the best i can do but i don't need worry, cause i have a feeling, i'd soon get some inspiration....hmm..

on turning a year older

okay, i know i've been MIA since like forever, but hey i was busy, still busy actually, i still have one more paper to finish and its due on thursday. but anyway, i just felt the need to write my thoughts down.

i was lying on my bed last night, desperately trying so hard to fall asleep and miserably failing, when i got to thinking. in a few days i'd be a year older and i still don't know where i'm going, i don't even know for sure what i want. i've been told a lot of people my age actually feels the same but i just marvel at how they handle it with sooo much composure but hey what do i know.. all i know is me? i'm in a slump. i don't know, maybe i'm just holding out for something that i really want, or maybe im just holding back because i'm just such a sissy, scared to lay claim on what she wants cause it just might not turn out to be what she expected thus disappointing her. i heard from somewhere that sometimes when you hold out for something, you walk away with nothing. yes at some point that's true but at the same time sometimes when you give everything and you lose, you get, guess what, nothing. so what's a sissy like me supposed to do in such a sordid state of affairs? well, i do what i always do, crawl into a corner and do, what else, nothing. hey, it's not something i'm proud of, it's not like i consciously wanted to be this way. i just woke up one morning and i was already one of those people who has a very bad tendency to see things in the negative. i guess a series of disappointments can do that to a person, make them numb or at least pretend to be numb by avoding making any major decisions so they're never disapponited. do i want to be this kind of person? no, i don't. but it's not like i could just flick a switch in my system and become all mary-sunshine in just a few seconds, it takes work and it's work i don't know if i'm willing or even able to do. it'll take more than a few risks, and more than a few taking-my-chances that i'm not sure im quite ready for cause if all of them doesn't work out then what? would i become more of a negative person than i already am? i for sure don't want that. so what's a person supposed to do in such a situtaion? it's such a tight rope, a double-edged sword, don't you think?

...if someone can bring some light into this, please ENLIGHTEN me...