jumping into the water

i've learned a lot these past couple of days. i've learned that jumping off head first into a pool without testing the waters first, has its casualties, especially since i can't swim that good. aside from the initial shock of slamming right into the freezing cold water, there's the uncertainty of how deep i've plunged myself under and the panic of not knowing how soon i can come up for air or how soon i can have my feet touching the pool concrete below. it's not really a very good feeling especially when i realized that i brought this on myself. i have jumped into a pool i didn't realize was too big for me. i didn't see that i've jumped in over my head. i've been rash and impulsive. i thought i could handle it but realized later on that i couldn't cause there are other things, bigger things at stake. i realized that there are other people in the water, people i've formed relationships with and who are important to me, and my jumping into the water and making a big awful splash can and has affected them. yes, i've been rash and impulsive and i didn't think of the ripple effect that my actions have spurned.

there is such a thing as karma, and like it or not everything we do has its consequences. good thing for me, i was fortunate enough to have known such people that would smack some sense into my head and help me pick myself up from the water before i plunge myself in any further and drown. and for these people i am very grateful. i've discovered that my actions or anyone's actions for that matter can actually affect other people, and it is just selfish to not think about them especially if they are people who care about you and whom you care for as well.

being rash, it complicates relationships, sometimes even destroys them... and i don't want that..and its just about time that i put my foot down and start thinking about the things i get myself into so that one day i can look at myself and be proud of the things i've done, and the choices i've made, for myself and for the people i care for.